Whether you notice it or not, unhealthy boundaries set the stage for dysfunctional relationships. However, in order to set healthy boundaries one much be in touch with their wants, needs, feelings and opinions. Relationships all start off with with a smooth ground to drive on but grow pot holes as you drive further along. Avoid the potholes in your relationship by taking two steps back, reevaluating, and then setting the proper guidelines for a healthy, loving relationship.
In this blog, we will discuss the daunting topic of how to set proper boundaries, when it’s the right time to have that conversation, and how to make sure those boundaries don’t get blurry. Join us, EmmeNation!
Much like the picture to left, setting healthy boundaries can feel like a game of tug-a-rope. You’re taking a little here and allowing a little there. It may sometimes also feel like a childs game but I reassure you that the key to a long-lasting relationship is by setting healthy boundaries.
“Having healthy boundaries means knowing and understanding what your limits are,” Dr. Gionta said
We have researched tips and advice on how to build this skill and brought to you the top 5!
1. Give yourself permission
It’s perfectly fine to set boundaries in your relationship. Don’t feel guilt or self-doubt because those are two major pitfalls. A lot of times we are scared of what our partner might respond, just know that you are working towards a better, healthier relationship.
2. Avoid being a “people pleaser”
According to Suite101, being a “people pleaser” can set the stage for a catastrophe. Set boundaries before they are actually needed. Make it clear from the start that you won’t tolearte disrespectful behavior.
3. State a general preference
Jezebel believes that one of the keys to setting healthy boundaries is to make it about you, not them. Instead of complaining about their loud noise you can say, “I have a busy work week ahead I’m going to need as much sleep as possible.” This can clew in your partner that they are being a tad bit loud without offending them.
4. Strengthen your internal personal boundaries Sometimes the solution to the problem begins with you. Oprah.com suggests that whenevr you’re in a tough position you stop and ask yourself three questions:
- How much of this is true about me?
- How much of this is about the other person?
- What do I need to do (if anything) to regain my personal power or stand up for myself?
Strengthen your internal boundary first so that your feet are firmly planted when you confront your partner.
5. Do not defend, debate, or over-explain Stand firm with your opinions and preserve them after they are set. If your partner fails to understand your point of view explain to them that you are working torwards a healthier future for you both. This is not an attack or a blame game.
Here are some characteristics of a relationship with healthy boundaries
1. Flexibility - Relationships in general require flexibility. Come in with an open mind and leave with a healthy relationship.
2. Receptive - People change, things change, and times change. Be receptive to that change and be ready to adjust your boundary when necessary.
3. Clarity - Be clear and concise. Simple enough? Not necessarily, don’t expect your partner to know what’s on your mind. Be as clear as possible.
4. Firmness - Once those boundaries are set make sure to seal and preserve them.
Boundaries are essential to a happy, healthy life yet so poorly understood. It’s time to use our resources and work for our happiness.
Check out more resources on how to set healthy boundaries:
PsychCentral
Relationships
Oprah.com